And You'll Never Let Anyone Stress You Out Again | Mel Robbins

Summary

Mel Robbins explains the “Let Them, Let Me” approach as a way to reduce stress by separating what you can control from what you can’t. “Let them” means allowing other people to act and feel as they will; “let me” means taking responsibility for your own response.

Key Strategies and Advice

Use the approach when work is stressful

Let a rude customer be rude or a colleague take credit. Their behavior has already happened, and you don’t have to let it control your mood.

Then ask, “What can I do?” Robbins says you can control your next thoughts, your actions or inaction, and how you process your emotions.

Accept people as they are while communicating what you need

You can’t make someone change; people change when they want to and are able to.

In a relationship, try to step back from judgment, then calmly explain what you need and how the other person’s behavior affects you. After that, pay attention to their actions. If they don’t respond, consider whether the behavior is something you can accept and how much time and energy you want to invest.

Allow others to have their feelings

Someone may be disappointed by your decision. Let them feel that disappointment while you make choices based on your own values, rather than guilt.

The same principle applies to people who are struggling: offer support without taking over or shielding them from every consequence.

Support people with practical help

Instead of only asking what they need, offer something specific—such as bringing food, helping with chores or childcare, or arranging an activity.

Robbins suggests assuming that a struggling person may lack a skill or need time to process an emotion, rather than simply needing more pressure or willpower.

After a breakup, give yourself space to grieve and reset

Robbins recommends a 30-day period with no contact and no checking photos, messages, voice notes, locations, or social media to help break familiar patterns.

Allow grief to surface rather than treating painful feelings as a sign you should return to the relationship. She also suggests changing something in the bedroom, such as moving the bed or painting a wall, to make the space feel less tied to the old relationship.

Robbins cites research saying 71% of people begin to feel better by 11 weeks. This is presented in the conversation as a general finding, not a guarantee for everyone.

Try the ABC approach when you want to help someone change

• A — Apologize and ask: Apologize for pressuring or questioning them, then ask how they feel and what, if anything, they want to do.
• B — Back off: Give them room to decide and take action themselves.
• C — Celebrate small steps: Acknowledge progress without sarcasm, and model the change you hope to encourage.

Presenters and Sources

• Presenters: Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty
• Other sources mentioned: Thich Nhat Hanh; Dr. Stuart Ablon; Robbins’s therapist, whose name is rendered in the subtitles as “Ann Deaven.”