Bum Reviews Parody - Taken

Taken: The Bum Reviews

The Bum Reviews parody enthusiastically declares Taken “the greatest movie” ever, then retells its plot with deliberately goofy commentary.

A former CIA agent gives his daughter a karaoke machine for her birthday, only to be upstaged by her stepdad, who gives her a horse. When she wants to visit Paris, her father warns that she could be taken by sex traffickers. She goes anyway, and a seemingly helpful traveler named Peter turns out to be one.

The daughter calls her father during the abduction, but the kidnappers interrupt his attempt to get useful details. He vows to hunt them down, setting off a jokey montage of “dialogue,” explosions, and loud music.

He spots his daughter being auctioned and buys her, but gets knocked out. A conveniently loose screw helps him escape. Later, he sneaks onto a boat repeating “Solid Snake,” though his stealth act doesn’t last: he has to fight everyone anyway. He confronts the villain, rescues his daughter, and returns home. The narrator calls the ending disappointingly un-climactic, since she simply gets to learn karaoke.

The closing gag imagines the CIA needing more “bums,” because people already ignore them. The narrator begs for change and jokes that, without taxi money, he may have to share a ride with Peter—then wonders whether the hero will come rescue him too.

Personalities Featured

• The Bum Reviews/Cyber S homeless narrator
• The father and his daughter
• The daughter’s mother and stepdad
• Peter, the trafficker
• The kidnappers and their leader